Original epilogue from LOVING MERCY
©Teresa Bodwell

June, 1868.

Mercy yawned. Balancing Lansing's account books was tedious work. It seemed Jonathan hadn't inherited anything but debts. No wonder the man had resorted to thievery. She massaged her temples in time to the piano. The “G” scale was perfect, with no hesitation before the F#. A little too perfect.

“You're supposed to be practicing the left hand, Jonathan.”

He flashed a sheepish grin. “I'm sorry, I forgot.”

“Forgot?" She tried to look stern as she crossed the room. “Try again.”

“Yes, Mama.” He positioned his left hand on the piano.

Mercy had to give Jonathan credit, he knew she melted when he called her “Mama”. The Lansing family hadn't yet responded to her letters asking to adopt him, but she and Thad had already come to think of him as their son.

“Excellent, now both hands together.”

She almost felt guilty for feeling so happy. Especially when she thought about Miranda living in Philadelphia. It was shock enough to find her sister had left Harold and gone East with Lydia Pearson, but Miranda had also married a man she met there.

A whimper from the mat in the corner drew Mercy's attention to the other joy who had been dropped into her life.

"Well, little lady, you done napping?"

The baby sat up with her arms outstretched.

"Yuck." Jonathan skidded to his knees beside Mercy. "She stinks."

Mercy couldn't fault Jonathan's assessment. "Go back to the piano, young man. I'll take care of Emily."

"Yes, Mama."

She chuckled at Jonathan's effort to remain the center of attention. Then turned to the baby--almost a toddler now. She'd been tiny and frail when Reverend Sanders had found her abandoned in the church. Now she was still lean, but strong and growing by the minute.

"You're a little bobcat, aren't you? Crawling around the house, getting into trouble." Mercy grimaced.

She held her breath as she removed the fouled garments, cleaned the tiny bottom and most of the rest of the baby, then collected all the soiled linens and threw them into a bucket outside. She washed her hands and waited for the churning in her stomach to stop. This queasiness could just be the grippe that had kept Jonathan in bed last week, but she didn't think so.

Mercy went back inside to find bare-bottomed Emily pulling herself up on the piano stool and giggling at Jonathan as he peeked at her from behind some sheet music. Mercy marveled at how the child balanced without putting much weight on her bad foot. It broke Mercy's heart to think someone may have abandoned the baby because of the deformity.

"You're going to be walkin' soon, aren't you Bobcat?"

Emily squealed as Mercy swept her up and blew into her navel.

As she pulled a clean gown over Emily's head, Mercy's thoughts returned to Miranda. Lydia had written about Harold's hasty marriage to a woman who was obviously pregnant. That explained why her sister had left town with Lydia, but why had Miranda also rushed into marriage? Mercy tried to convince herself that Miranda was in love. Only her letter hadn't mentioned love.

What had she called her husband? Compatible? Reliable?

In contrast, Mercy's letter to Miranda had gushed about how she and Thad belonged together. She'd even mentioned the fact that they didn't need a stove in their bedroom. She sighed remembering long winter nights snuggled in her Grizzly's arms.

The thud of boots on the porch interrupted Jonathan's scales. Mercy held Emily close and rushed out the door behind Jonathan who launched himself into Thad's arms.

“I heard you practicing.” Thad winked. “Been workin' hard?”

“Yes, sir.” They both looked at Mercy for confirmation.

“He's been doing pretty well,” she allowed.

“I reckon you deserve this then.” Thad pulled a peppermint stick out of his pocket.

Jonathan grabbed the candy and opened his mouth to bite.

“Wait!” Mercy put her free hand on her hip. “It's almost supper time.”

Thad and Jonathan gave her identical pleading looks. She rolled her eyes, retrieved the candy, and snapped it in two.

“Take this for now." She handed Jonathan half. "You can have the rest after supper."

Thad set Jonathan down and the boy started to run off.

She sighed. “Haven't you forgotten something?”

Jonathan looked from Mercy to Thad. “Oh. Thanks Thad.”

“You're welcome, buddy.”

Jonathan ran off and Thad took Emily in his arms. "How are my two beautiful wild cats?"

"Papa." Emily showed off her only word.

Thad pulled Mercy into the embrace, his lips claiming hers with a hunger to be expected after a week's separation. Of course he'd only gone to town for the day.

“How's Clarisse?” Mercy asked, when he released her.

“Hmm?” he mumbled as he rubbed noses with Emily.

“Your sister?”

He looked at Mercy. “No baby yet,” he said. “Wendell keeps looking at her as though she's a dam near to burstin'.”

Mercy wondered how Thad would react in the same situation.

Emily dug into his pocket until she found another peppermint stick. "You rascal," Thad said.

He broke off an end and gave it to her. "More after supper, same as your brother." He set her down on the porch and pulled a large hamper out of the wagon.

"Don't tell me Clarisse sent more food," Mercy said. "She still doesn't believe we can survive on a man's cooking."

Thad grinned. "If you're going to complain, I'm keepin' the pie to myself."

"Peach?" Mercy grinned.

"Apple."

Clarisse could work wonders with dried apples. Mercy hauled the hamper inside, while Thad carried a box.

“Coffee finally came in, how about some to go with that pie?” Thad began to measure some coffee into the grinder.

“Not before supper."

"You're too strict, Mama," Thad teased.

She laughed, then nearly gagged on the coffee smell. "I'll finish getting the supplies out of the wagon while you do that."

She had most of the load stacked on the porch when Thad stepped outside. Together they finished unloading and unhitched the horses. Emily watched, her face and hands red from the candy. Mercy lifted her and found a bit of peppermint in her fine brown hair.

"Can't turn my back on you for a minute," Mercy said.

“Hey, Jonathan!” Thad called. “Come help carry.”

Jonathan came running, holding out his arms, which Thad filled with the smallest packages. Mercy smiled. Jonathan and Thad were growing closer every day.

She opened the door. The room was filled with the fragrance of Thad's coffee. Except that it wasn't fragrant, it smelled rancid. She swallowed hard, set the baby down and turned away.

“You all right, Cougar?”

She shook her head, then dashed for the privy.

After leaving the children with their grandfather, Thad found Mercy sitting by the well. He wasn't going to let her shrug this off like she did that incident yesterday. He had clearly seen her swoon. He thought of his grandmother who'd died with a tumor in her brain. That had all started with nausea and dizzy spells too.

“Cougar?” Thad placed a hand on Mercy's shoulder.

She got to her feet. “I'm fine.”

"This has been goin' on for days."

"Walk with me?" She laced her fingers through his and lead him toward the aspen grove. “I've been waiting to talk about this, until I was sure.”

Sure? Cold fear settled in his stomach.

“Griz . . . I've been feeling really strange lately . . . Nothing to worry about, mind."

He glanced at her, preparing himself for the worst.

"I've suspected for a while, but . . ."

"You don't think you can hide something like this from me, do you?" He pulled her to his chest. "I can see how it is."

"You knew?" Mercy laughed. "How'd you get to know me so well?"

He caressed her cheek. "You're my other half."

She squeezed his hand and sighed.

"That's no excuse for being secretive."

"I know, it's just . . . " She swallowed. "I never thought this was even possible. I was afraid to say it out loud . . ."

She smiled again and he tried to smile back.

"I want you to tell me what you need so that I can help." Thad said.

"The smell of coffee is the worst. I can't avoid all the smells, but do you think you could give up coffee for a while?"

"Whatever you want, Sweetheart."

"Good. I'm afraid the baby won't get enough food if I'm throwing up all the time."

"Emily eats enough for two mules now--"

Mercy turned to him, her brows knit together. "Yes, she does. Doc says she's catching up now she has a good home." Mercy wrinkled her nose. "Maybe you could change her some of the time." He hadn't expected that, but he'd do anything. "Of course."

"And I'm counting on you and Buck to handle round-up without me this year."

"Is it as bad as that?" Lord, round-up was months away. If she was thinking of leaving that to the men. She slid a hand across her middle. She must be in a lot of pain.

Mercy caressed his cheek. "You're still worried about me."

"Of course I'm worried."

She shook her head. "Being sick like this is very common in the first few months. And of course, sometimes near the end things can be difficult."

"The end?" Thad shuddered.

"It isn't that bad." She laughed and squeezed his hand tight. "Thad Buchanan--you know I can manage a little pain. And just think . . . another cub in our den. The miracle we didn't dare even hope for."

"Miracle?"

“What else would you call it?” A tear rolled down her cheek.

His eyes flicked down to her flat stomach. Was it possible?

"I know it won't be easy." She sniffed. "I mean Jonathan is still jealous of Emily and she's still a baby. We'll have two in diapers, but--"

“You're talking about a baby?”

She scowled. "Of course--did you think I meant a bear cub?"

"Well, I just thought . . ."

He reached out to touch her belly.

She put her hand over his. "Don't expect to feel anything. I can't even feel him yet. Or her." He looked back at her eyes, shining with tears. She did look pale and tired. There was something else he'd missed before.

"We're going to have a . . . baby." He brushed a tear that had strayed down her cheek. “I thought you said you knew?”

"'Course I knew. I just . . . want to hear you say it."

"We're going to have a baby." Her smile radiated sunlight. "I like saying it. Let's go tell everyone."

"In a minute."

Thad pulled his wife close, wishing he could touch the small miracle she carried inside her. "I'll love you every moment, 'til I take my last breath."

She rested against his solid chest. "I'm betting on it.”